rain rain rain

i had hoped to do some yard work today… however, mother nature had other plans for me ….. perhaps because i did not turn on the sprinklers for a few days?

i stepped out to our yard to see kalia pouting as she does not like to romp around in the rain…….  we both stared at the plum tree and noticed a few baby plums on the ground…..   it seems at times, that all things  get knocked down from their plans …….. thank you mother nature…….

1 plum down in the rain ———————–>

~rg~

here we go again……..

guess whats sprouting up in my yard again?

its that time of the year where the young plums begin to appear …. by june i’ll begin my canning once again.  i must say however, due to the pruning of the tree .. we may not have as many as we had last year.

its wonderful to be reminded of new beginnings…

“The years will never take away
Our chance to start anew
It’s only the beginning now
So dreams can still come true.”

~rg

—————-

Boiling Point

Much of the news in my life recently has been so negative; Cancer cells may have infiltrated my body, impending lay-off from work, battles with my son and daughter.  Saturday I reached an emotional eruption point that I havent encountered before.  I was ready to walk out on everything I have in life to try somehow, someway just to start over.  Yelling, screaming, crying..  it was me, but not the true me, I was just lashing out, venting, wanting someone somewhere to hold me and tell me everything was O.K.  Sunday morning, I was awoken by family.  Not one or two, but all.  Telling me to get some clothes on, we had something to do outside.  After a half hour of resistance, just wanting to sleep the day away, I got up and joined them outside.  I was told a small stretch of the property, I’m guessing 8 feet by 20 feet, was going to be my “therapy garden”.  My family knows that Ive always wanted a garden, and even though Ive never trully done anything like this, still, something to try.  So for three hours, all five of us rolled up our sleves, and pulled weeds.  It felt good honestly.  To do something that was productive AND for myself.  After the weeding was done I was told everything else was up to my, was really MY endeavor.   I hugged and kissed everyone and started towards the roto-tiller, however stopped on the way and grabbed the hoe instead.  At 6pm, my wife had to call me in for dinner.  I had for the day anyway, lost track of everything else goin on.  All attention was directed towards the garden.   No where near ready for planting yet, but still, I am looking forward to the challenges and benefits of growing my own vegetables, spices and maybe even trying some fruits.  Now the only thing that worries me about this is where am I going to get rid of all the tomatoes? – RR

——–

(i’m late in posting this …. )

this sunday my morning was occupied by preparing a luncheon at my parents home with parents, steve, brother and gf …….   my mother has become a diabetic since her kidney transplant.  shes having a hard time trying to get used to a diabetic diet.   since it is my mothers bday .. .. i thought we would make a nice simple lunch for her as well as one that is perfect for “us” with special needs.  grilled marinated chicken breasts … an assortment of greens for salad made with blasamic vinegar, olive oil and garlic.  cauliflower cooked and smashed with roasted garlic in place of mashed potatos….. and i made a diabetic cake made with oats and a cup of flour and i egg……   the flavoring was a mixture of raisins, cinamon and sugar subsitute.

the cake did not appear to be appetizing .. but mom proudly cut her cake (tasted similar to an oat muffin) none the less……. she said it was yummy and was so happy when we checked her blood sugar level 2 hours after eating —–  it only rose 15 points!  way to go mom!  mine rose 16 points!  lol

~rg

1st week of April….

trying to write sensuality this morning……,  i must say John Barry’s soundtrack for ‘Body Heat’ makes for pretty damned fine listening to…….

~rg

——

It may be sexist, but I feel tending to the yard is my domain.  Usually the weather lends itself only to prepare the yard for the Easter Bunny the day before the event.  And when the yard is 90% weeds, it also tends to be a small patch that becomes available for Peter Cottontail to place the eggs in.  After putting the mower and weed-eater away, a survey of the yard reveals an area three times as big to hunt eggs next weekend as normal.  Thank you Mother Nature! – RR

emotions

As i age i seem to be gripped by the emotion of the moment far more than i ever was before. is this a bad thing, i wonder?

~rg

Such a windy day!  I spent most of Saturday, tending to my much neglected acre of land. Our terrain is such that it is almost immpossible to mow more than a small portion, so weed eating is about the only option.  After spending close to 8 solid hours carying it around, i knew in my head, i was going to take Sunday off, to relax and let my fell-three-times-on-my-butt body recover.  Good thing.  Sunday’s wind was not privy to yard work.  Sometimes I get so lucky that it almost comes off that Im more intelligent than I might be! – RR

life

this morning i laid out a huge amount of mail that i had not been able to either toss or put away and organize….  in the pile, i came upon a post card address to myself.  it is my annual invitation to the relay for life survivor reception which is to take place in May.   will need to rsvp before april 1st.  

this week i was informed that a wonderful man who means the world to me….. has been diagnosed with skin cancer.  although, further visits to the doctor and oncologists are on the works to  determine the cancer and future treatments itself….  his dr remains optimistic that it was caught early enough. i want him to know, that even though he may feel as if he is riding on a roller coaster at this time……..   i am here for him……and love him deeply…… ……..  i will participate in the relay this year…..  not only to walk for others that i know and myself, .. but most importantly this year……. i for Him.

~rg

Here we go….  Last Wednessday, I was hit by a brick. The diagnosis of a mole behind my ear is cancerous.  Melanoma.  Out of the three types of skin cancer, this one is the worst. The hardest part is the wait I currently am wading through.  I worry about the worst case scenario of having the cancer spread through my body.  You can’t help BUT think of the worst case in these things I guess.  The best case would be that the tumor is localized and can just be removed with outpatient surgery.  However the funny thing is I spent most of the weekend looking on the web about melanoma and cases involving it.  Funny how those “best-case” scenarios rarely show up.  Always about the countless surgeries, chemo and radiation sessions, never about “was in and aout in a few hours and am done”.  I’m trying to keep occupied with things that involve strong concentration, but the C word still makes its way into my thoughts constantly.  All I really know at this point is I wish the surgeon and oncologist I am waiting on would hurry the heck up and call so I can get moving on this.  As Tom Petty sings, “The waiting is the hardest part.”   – RR

03-15

with a swollen ankle and pain throbbing with every step……. i had lunch in my vehicle as i elevated my ankle to relieve the pain.  before returning back to work …….. i attempted a nap to block out my feelings…… (both mentally and physically)….. this was  my view from my car window before the tears appeared…

~rg

——————-

What is to come…

A couple of weeks ago, word came down that the place I work is being closed, due to “re-structuring” how H.P. is testing and storing their used parts.  This is supposed to happen in the next 3-6 months.  For some reason though, and especially in this economy, I am not worried.  I have had two interviews for positions since then, neither a good fit for me.  I still wake up to come into work not fearing the doors being closed, I am still productive in my tasks, and use my free time at work looking for other empoyment, which management doesnt mind.  I am hopefull I will find something soon.  Im sure the worry-free attitude that for some reason has kept my spirits up, will not last forever, but at this moment, I just keep looking and looking.  – RR

rainy days….

the rain was gentle and the wind – a quiet breeze …… i felt the need to walk outside this morning……just myself…….. i had no idea as to why …… but i needed to….. so after a washing and dressing for the outdoors, i grabbed my black rain slicker, slowly pulled the head covering over my hair and stepped out into the cool morning . the sky was covered in gray clouds,  the air was chilly and smelled fresh and crisp, the ground wet and the world was still. although, tears still flowed, … i felt safe, secure ……….

the past couple of days have been so hard on me….. other than an interview last Thursday, i had not been able to step out of my own home. i wanted to hide and let all things good or bad just past me by……. it was what i felt i needed, what i deserved…..

today, its good to be out, and physically touch my environment again …….especially with the drops from heaven covering me. i feel a bit cleansed.

i think today will be a better day.

~r

weekends

my weekends, since the beginning of the new year has not been as they once were.   Gone are the days of visiting with friends or family for the entire weekends ..  and or a simple outing with my husband and dog….

Now, my weekends are filled with turning on a black thinkpad……. Powering it up ……And immediately opening a website to various job sites…… such as careerbuilder.. and craigslist.com to name a few.

i need my weekends back!

anyone want to hire me? ……..

(btw:  the flowers  on the bottom right are the tulips my hubs surprised me with for Valentines Day)  i  had to throw it in .. *smile

~rg

_______________________

Things that make you go…  blech!!!!!  Although working 1 full and three part time jobs has become fairly comfortable for me, this weekend, I was trully exhausted.  I slept, I would estimate a good 75% of the three day weekend, (Including Monday – Post is late, I apologize) I decided to go with my wife grocery shopping Sunday morning, and I saw a sight that not only made me shudder, feel queasy and shocked, but made me realize something for the first time in my 42 years on Earth as well.  Middle-aged men, who are, shall we say, “bulbous” in shape, should NOT wear sweatpants in public.  This particular gentleman, emphasized his unique look by being unshaven, for about 4-5 days is my guess, wearing a t-shirt adourned with something toward the mustard stain family, and Birkenstocks.  He had caught my attention in the store a few times with my wife and I exchanging glances acknowledging our mutual sighting.  However the final straw was layed down, when going down the dog food aisle, he approched from the other end, with a face to face confrontation coming.  Honestly Im not sure if the 180 degree turn I made was either to avoid laughing in the gentleman’s face, or as my first thought came, to avoid a possible smell.  Sorry for putting that visual/olafactory sense into play.  Does this make me a snob of sorts for choosing to avoid this situation?  Perhaps.  I myself have ventured into public on more than one occasion in what my family calls questionable attire, and Lord knows, that I trully understand in these economic times there are those more unfortunate than we are, however, I just cant bring myself to every thinking I could impose my comfy look upon others like that. A man’s home, be it whatever it may, is his castle, and sometimes, there should be that court jester to let the king know he is naked, or in this case, looking more like Shrek than his Highness.  – RR